Okay, so.. uh.. that didn't work out well..
Like.. so not well I think I may have conditions beyond my Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Something is holding me back; something I can't control, ignore, or fight.
Appointment in 12 days. That's when I'll have testing.
Can't really afford the $700 bill, but I guess I'll just have to take it and pay it off as well as I can over time.
.. well, the doctor from the beginning thought there was more at work than the anxiety. I just never went because I couldn't afford it. Now I am going because it's not a matter of can/can't afford; I can't live my life without some kind of help.
.. and treatment I pay for is the only help I could possibly get.
So I've basically been spending my time impatiently waiting for the testing, cursing the fact that I don't have a bunch of liquor and spend a lot of the time waiting, unable to get work done, unable to enjoy anything, wishing I could be drunk out of my mind. Because then I could at least enjoy a few days between now and the testing.
So.. I feel horrible, and discouraged. Not gonna give up, though; I never truly give up.. just.. it's time to admit pushing through and trying to continue just doesn't work with me.
At least I know my doctor does psychological treatment right: the pills are just a patch, they fight the symptoms so that if it's debilitating you can at least live your life. A psychologist is the one you go to to try to fix things long-term.
Jeez.. 12 days left.. well, 11 in a couple more hours.
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